Paying My Fee

It’s less than the going rate, but no one considers it cheap.

When guests phone, I focus on their problems. Half the time, a housecall isn’t necessary. Once we’ve agreed that I should come, I mention the fee. About ten percent of callers reconsider, but almost no one does so directly. I hear….

“Let me talk to my husband and get back to you.”

“Our tour leaves in half an hour. I’ll call when we’re back and set up the appointment.”

“I’m going to try to ride this out, but I’ll let you know.”

“I need to check with my insurance.”

All doctors maintain that they never turn away a patient unable to pay. This is not an actual lie - provided we’re the ones who decide who’s unable.

I’m generous with guests from motels and youth hostels who are clearly not affluent, but plenty of callers are paying a daily hotel bill well in excess of mine. They object to my fee just as they hesitate at $5.00 coffee at Starbucks or $200 for an orchestra seat at a hit play. They know that $1.00 coffee at McDonalds or a $50 balcony seat provides a similar experience, more or less. I direct them to urgent-care clinics that accomplish this.

A Dog-Eat-Dog Business, Part 6

People ask what sort of contract I have with hotels. The answer is none. Staff call because I’m easy to reach and quick to respond. Once they’ve called a few times, they’re not inclined to change.

But hotel doctoring is a glamorous occupation, so plenty of doctors yearn to break in.

How can they do this? Guests who want help ask a concierge, desk clerk, operator, or bellman. You might think that they’re given the name of the house doctor, but there is often no such person. Except in luxury hotels, selecting a doctor is not a priority, so the choice may be up to the employee.

This is no secret, so entrepreneurial doctors know who to approach. But how can he phrase a sales pitch? Proclaiming that he is caring, compassionate, and skilled sounds creepy. Doctor web sites and housecall agencies always proclaim this, but you should be skeptical. I’ve worked for dozens; they may check my license and malpractice history but never my competence.

The new doctor might offer to charge less, but he never does. The free market doesn’t apply to a medical fee, and hotels don’t care about it.

So what’s left? Services selling to a hotel (florists, tours, masseurs, limousines) often pay a kickback, and there is a long tradition of hotel doctors doing the same. It’s illegal for a doctor to pay for a referral, and I hasten to admit that I have no evidence that anyone is doing that, but when I start hearing “have you forgotten something?....” hints from bellmen et al, I wonder if a new competitor is making the rounds.

Losing the Chateau Marmont

The Chateau Marmont is a funky art-deco apartment converted to a hotel in the 1930s with nine nearby cottages acquired during the 1940s.  John Belushi died in a cottage in 1982, a few years before I became its doctor. 

I made 157 visits. My last, in 2002, was not at the request of the hotel but of a national house call agency, Concierge Care. Agencies pay me my usual fee, but they charge a good deal more. It rarely causes a problem because the guest has agreed to pay by the time I arrive.

Unfortunately, the dispatcher answering Concierge Care’s 800 number did not like to deliver bad news. As a result, he took down the caller’s information and cheerfully announced that a doctor would arrive but neglected to mention the fee.

The visit went well, but the guest’s jaw dropped when I handed her my invoice for $400. This was 2002 when the dollar was worth something. Hearing that I only earned $150 did not relieve her distress. Worse, she phoned the front desk to ask the hotel to put it on her bill, adding her displeasure at the size of “the hotel doctor’s” fee.

As the desk clerk counted out my money (probably more than his weekly pay), I explained that I was making this visit for a house call agency which was responsible for the fee. He nodded politely, but the Chateau Marmont has not called since.

"Wow! Hotel Doctors Charge That Much?"

Guests don’t say that. Mostly I hear: “Could I talk to my husband and call you back.…..?”

Unlike the competition, I don’t confine myself to upscale hotels. Plenty of Holiday Inns, Ramadas, and motels call, and I quote fees less than the going rate. Colleagues complain but admit that it’s not a competitive advantage because hotels don’t care what the doctor charges. Still, counting driving time, a hotel visit rarely takes less than an hour, so it’s not cheap.

Helpless in a strange country and forewarned that medical care in America requires vast sums, foreign guests are easier to deal with.

America medical insurance takes a dim view of housecalls. No hotel doctor accepts it, so Americans, already disoriented at finding a doctor willing to make a housecall, learn that they must pay out of their pocket. It’s a shock.

Like all doctors, I like to present myself as a humanitarian, and I often reduce my fee if the guest feels too miserable to leave the room, but mostly, when Americans object, I send them to an urgent care clinic.

Walking through a clinic door costs around $100. While this is much less than a housecall, clinics charge extra for tests, procedures, shots, and supplies, and the patient must find a pharmacy and then pay for the prescription. I don’t charge extra for anything. Telling all this to guests sounds too much like a sales pitch, so I simply send them to a clinic. Insurance might pay part of their bill.

Free Enterprise in Action

Visiting Disneyland, a couple’s two year-old twins fell ill. The parents consulted the concierge, and a doctor who wasn’t me duly arrived.

A week later, the family traveled to Hollywood to spend a few days before flying home. That’s where I came on the scene.

The children had recovered, and I wrote my clearance-to-travel. From the parents’ description, they had suffered viral upper respiratory infections with cough, congestion, and general miseries. The hotel doctor had diagnosed: “otitis, tonsillitis, bronchitis, and mild pneumonia.” He had given injections, handed over medication, and written prescriptions for antibiotics, cough medicine, and eardrops.

The parents showed me his invoices. The fee for one child totaled $495, for the other $390. The prescriptions and injections came to over $100, so they paid about a thousand dollars for a single visit.

Nothing I do in a hotel room costs much, so I quote a flat fee and never charge extra for anything. That doctor billed $30 for an injection; those I carry for common problems (vomiting, pain, allergy) cost less than a dollar a dose. A syringe costs a dime. He handed over small packets of pills, charging $20 apiece. I carry similar packets containing from three to eight pills. Each pill costs between a nickel and a quarter. A bottle of cough medicine costs $1.50. A week’s supply of antibiotics is usually less than $5.00. I pay about $3.00 for a bottle of antibiotic eye drops. Perhaps my most expensive drug is antibiotic ear drops at $8.00. Doctors may charge $30 for a urinalysis, but the dipsticks they dunk in your urine come in bottles of 100 at $40.00. That’s 40 cents a dipstick.

Medicine is a noble profession, but while I’m in favor of doctors earning a large income, it’s beneath their dignity to pay obsessive attention to it. This might not be a majority opinion. Doctors regularly claim that they are businessmen operating in a free market. As such, it’s reasonable to charge for every service. Sensible patients understand, they insist.