A Dog-Eat-Dog Business, Part 6

People ask what sort of contract I have with hotels. The answer is none. Staff call because I’m easy to reach and quick to respond. Once they’ve called a few times, they’re not inclined to change.

But hotel doctoring is a glamorous occupation, so plenty of doctors yearn to break in.

How can they do this? Guests who want help ask a concierge, desk clerk, operator, or bellman. You might think that they’re given the name of the house doctor, but there is often no such person. Except in luxury hotels, selecting a doctor is not a priority, so the choice may be up to the employee.

This is no secret, so entrepreneurial doctors know who to approach. But how can he phrase a sales pitch? Proclaiming that he is caring, compassionate, and skilled sounds creepy. Doctor web sites and housecall agencies always proclaim this, but you should be skeptical. I’ve worked for dozens; they may check my license and malpractice history but never my competence.

The new doctor might offer to charge less, but he never does. The free market doesn’t apply to a medical fee, and hotels don’t care about it.

So what’s left? Services selling to a hotel (florists, tours, masseurs, limousines) often pay a kickback, and there is a long tradition of hotel doctors doing the same. It’s illegal for a doctor to pay for a referral, and I hasten to admit that I have no evidence that anyone is doing that, but when I start hearing “have you forgotten something?....” hints from bellmen et al, I wonder if a new competitor is making the rounds.