My Last Bad Check

A guest at the Hyatt had fallen ill and cancelled a flight. He had recovered, but the airline insisted on a doctor’s note before allowing him on board.

Determining if someone is healthy enough to fly usually requires only a few questions, but I do an exam. He delivered a steady patter as I worked, describing himself as a venture capitalist with an exciting but stressful life as he prepared for an important meeting in Japan.

As I composed the note, I saw him writing a check and immediately announced that I accept credit cards.

Apologizing, he told me that it would be a hassle unless payment came out of the company account. Seeing my hesitation, he added that he had credit cards and would give me a number in case there were a problem. He pulled one out and scribbled on my invoice, getting one number wrong. I noticed and made the correction. 

I’ve received a few dozen bad checks but only rarely after 2000 when I began accepting credit cards.

You can imagine my feeling later as I stood watching a teller fiddle at his computer…. and fiddle…. and fiddle… and finally explain that it wasn’t accepting the check.

Naturally, I felt stupid. Single males write almost all bad checks, and this guest fit the pattern.

Now came the tedious process of trying to recover the money which occasionally happens. As I expected, the address and phone number on the check were wrong. Asking the hotel for contact information sometimes helps, but in this case I learned that it must respect the guest’s privacy. The credit card was certainly worthless.

But it wasn’t! When I phoned the computer and entered the numbers, it approved. Some things are hard to explain.

A Hotel Doctor's Database, Part 1

Few things besides wine and cheese improve with time, but a personal database is among them.   

It didn’t seem significant when I began in 1983, but now I can look over 18,316 visits. So when I claim to have made more housecalls than any doctor now alive, I have the evidence . It’s a fascinating trove of information. I saw 967 patients from Brazil, for example; 42 of them suffered skin problems. Of those calls from Brazilians, 70 arrived between 11pm and 6am, getting me out of bed.

Of the 18,316 nearly 12,000 (11,849) were of calls directly from a hotel. The remainder came from four other sources. 

The second source is agencies that insure travelers visiting America: 3490 visits. Few come from Europe or Australia whose insurers follow the American strategy of insisting that clients pay up front and apply for reimbursement later. Asian and Latin American carriers do better. Their clients phone the 800 number of the agency’s US office; the agency phones me; I make the housecall and send my invoice to the agency which pays exactly what I bill (American carriers undoubtedly roll their eyes at this archaic behavior).

Inevitably some insurers are less easy to deal with than others. Some have adopted the American system of requiring elaborate forms, itemization, and codes for every procedure. Others pay slowly and only after many pestering phone calls. When my patience runs out, I stop accepting their calls.

This doesn’t mean I stop seeing their clients, because they transfer their business to my third source of calls: competitors with 1760 visits. That includes other Los Angeles hotel doctors who ask my help or cover for me when I’m busy as well as one of the national housecall services. They have names like Expressdoc, AMPM Housecalls, Hoteldoc, Global Med. If you live in a large city, they may be available, but be warned that some are reasonable but others charge fees that will take your breath away.

Foreign airline crew make up the fourth source: 913 visits. American airlines have no interest in crew who fall ill when laying over. They have medical insurance but with no transportation or knowledge of facilities in a strange city, they are out of luck. Occasionally I deal with their pitiful calls and treat them as charity cases. As with American insurance carriers, it’s hopeless to bill an American airline for a housecall. 

A minor fifth category is what I call “private-parties:” 293 visits. These are people who learn about me from another source. That includes locals as well as former patients who return to the city and call me directly.