Why Don't They Call?

In my experience, a hotel generates approximately one request for a doctor per month for every hundred rooms. My record, in case you’re wondering, is 208 calls in 1995 from the old Century Plaza which had 1076 rooms.

The Airport Hilton has over 1,200 rooms, but I average a dozen calls a year. When I asked the security officer why the hotel called so infrequently he gave the usual wrong answer (“no one’s been sick”). When I asked who they called besides me, he peered down at his desk where, under a sheet of glass lay business cards advertising taxis, masseurs, florists, limousine services, clinics, pharmacies, et al. I saw my card and none from three rival hotel doctors who prefer the area in and around Beverly Hills where luxury hotels concentrate. They occasionally drive the extra ten miles to the airport, but I doubted they were responsible for my shortfall.

My eyes fell on a card from a national housecall service. Several exist, and I made half a dozen visits for this agency but stopped because guests blamed me for the bill.

“Do you know how much these people charge?” I asked. “Eight hundred dollars!” The security officer expressed polite dismay. Guests rarely complain about a doctor’s fee, so he didn’t care.

That’s the problem. Luxury hotels make sure a doctor is available, but many managers at the mid-level give it a low priority, so employees make their own choices when a guest asks for help.

Now and then, mysteriously, the light dawns, and a hotel begins to call regularly. Decades may pass before this happens, and I’m still waiting for the Airport Hilton.