Things Guests Say Again and Again

“Can you come up right away?”

It’s surprising how many guests believe I am sitting in an office downstairs. In fact, I’m at home or going about my daily business when the phone rings. I keep a suit jacket, tie, black bag, and paperwork in the car, a mild inconvenience because I must park in shade on sunny days to prevent the heat from melting my pills.

“I’ll call you back.”

Middle-class Americans are mostly insured. Talking to a doctor willing to make a housecall is already disorienting; hearing that they’ll have to hand over money comes as an additional jolt, so they often reconsider (“I’ll talk to my husband and call you back…..”). No one who says this ever calls.

“Sorry about the mess”

Entering a room, I look for a place to set down my clipboard and bag, so I hear this as someone hastily removes the pile of articles covering the desk. After putting a thermometer in the guest’s mouth, I announce that I will wash my hands, so I hear it again as someone rushes ahead to clear a space around the sink. 

“Do you accept insurance?”

My answer is yes – if the guest is foreign. Billing US carriers is so complicated that offices employ trained billing clerks. I work alone.