Sunday, March 6, 2016
A Real-Life Stereotype
A diamond dealer from Israel, a guest at the L.A. Marriott, fell violently ill with a stomach virus. He went to an emergency room, remaining overnight for IVs and tests. Returning to the hotel, he felt better except for some diarrhea. I examined him and reassured him and handed over anti-diarrhea pills.
“Are you Jewish,” he asked.
“I’m a doctor,” I said.
He thought for a while and then asked “Would you give me a discount on the bill?”
I gave him a discount.
After another pause he asked “Would you keep the old fee on the invoice that I give to my insurance?”
I told him I’d already made the change.
“But the insurance charged too much: $90 just for a week in America!” he complained.
“Are you kidding?... You should kiss the feet of whoever sold you the insurance. Wait till you see the bill from the emergency room. It’ll be about $5,000.”
He didn’t believe me.
Wednesday, March 2, 2016
The Reward of Virtue
I did
something admirable last week while reviewing my credit card statement.
I keep
receipts until the charge shows up on my monthly bill and then discard them. I
noticed that a $137 restaurant bill from October still hadn’t appeared. Had the
waiter mislaid it?.... What to do…. No
one would object if I kept waiting. But when I ordered the meal, I was
obligated to pay for it.
After some
agonizing, I e-mailed the restaurant to remind them. Then, since no one was
around to praise me, I praised myself.
As I turned
that honorable action over in my mind, a memory took shape. Didn’t the
restaurant mistakenly decline my credit card? And didn’t my wife pay with her
credit card for which I reimbursed her?
I examined the
receipt. Sure enough, it revealed the
last four numbers of her credit card, not mine. So I had paid the bill! I sent
another e-mail to the restaurant, cancelling the earlier one. Honesty had cost
me nothing. Who says virtue is its own reward?
Labels:
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Saturday, February 27, 2016
Screwing the Guest
A February 13
Craigslist ad is recruiting hotel doctors.
If you read
this blog, you know that I keep track of new arrivals and offer to work for
them. They often take me up on it because it’s not easy to find a doctor on the
spur of the moment.
A few hours
after my response, the phone rang. The caller introduced himself, adding that
he knew me, admired me, and was certain that I was a perfect hire.
He operated a
concierge hotel doctor service in big cities, he explained. Clients
were busy businessmen who absolutely could not interrupt work to be
sick. His doctors made sure this happened through aggressive treatment and
powerful drugs, perhaps more powerful than a doctor would use in an office. He
asked what injectables I carried and suggested others. His doctors sutured
lacerations, drained boils, administered IV fluids and breathing treatments,
incised hemorrhoids – whatever a guest need to keep going.
The charge was
$3250.
“They pay
that?” I asked.
“Just about
everyone,” he responded. “Because there’s NO OUT-OF-POCKET EXPENSE!” (I write
in caps because his voice grew loud). “We deal mostly with foreign businessmen.
They have travel insurance that pays whatever we bill, so I promise they’ll
have NO OUT-OF-POCKET EXPENSE, and no one has complained.”
This was
probably true. Aware of the rapacious American medical system, foreign insurers
may be inured to spectacular bills.
When I asked
about American guests, he segued seamlessly into another monologue. American
insurers are less generous, but his service was vastly superior, effective,
convenient, and cheaper than the five or ten thousand dollars charged at an
emergency room. Hearing this, many paid and express gratitude afterward.
Unlike the
previous harangue, this was not true, but I encounter it on web sites and
publicity from competing hotel doctors. It puts me in a bad mood.
“So you’re not
screwing the guests, you’re screwing the insurance companies.”
“Why shouldn’t
I? They screw us!” he exclaimed, adding that many of his doctors are forced to
work for him to make ends meet because of piddling insurance reimbursement.
Surgeons who once made $1500 for repairing a hernia are now getting $1000.
This did not
improve my mood although I share his low opinion of American health insurers.
Foreign insurers give me little trouble, but I’m not billing them $3250.
“You’re
selling yourself short,” he exclaimed after learning what I charge. I responded
that I have no complaints about my income.
“You do
realize you’re running a business,” he added on hearing that I don’t charge for
phone calls. That’s probably true, but I’ve noticed that every doctor who announces
that medicine is a business is an asshole.
He is not the
first entrepreneur to discover that sick hotel guests, trapped in a strange
city, are an easy mark and that foreign insurers are even easier. You can read
about another on my September 3 post.
Tuesday, February 23, 2016
A Perfect Housecall
On Sunday I wrote for a few hours
and then ate breakfast. My routine is to go to the gym afterward, but as I was
leaving the phone rang. A travel insurer asked me to see a guest in Anaheim, near Disneyland,
forty miles away.
That was good news; not only did I have a visit but I could skip the gym. I don’t mind long drives provided the freeways move smoothly which is the case on Sunday morning, and the insurer agreed to pay extra for the distance.
That was good news; not only did I have a visit but I could skip the gym. I don’t mind long drives provided the freeways move smoothly which is the case on Sunday morning, and the insurer agreed to pay extra for the distance.
Sure enough, the drive went
quickly. The patient was a five year-old with an itchy rash on his legs,
obviously atopic dermatitis. I informed the parents, explained how to care for
his skin, and handed over a tube of hydrocortisone cream from my bag. They were
pleased. I didn't hurry, but I doubt I spent ten minutes in the room. Sometimes
this is an easy job.
Labels:
concierge doctor,
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Doctor,
Heal,
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housecall,
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Friday, February 19, 2016
A Wee-Hour Call
Two nights ago the phone rang at 3
a.m. An insurance agency
wanted me to see a client with a sore throat at the Torrance Residence Inn. At
8:30 the following morning.
“Why did the agency call now?” I asked.
“I don’t know. They hung up.”
The operator gave me the patient’s
information. The Torrance Residence Inn is fifteen miles away. I do not like
long drives during the rush hour, so this was already a problem visit. If I went
back to bed, I’d probably lay awake and fume.
Patients who phone for my services
during the wee hours usually feel bad, so I took a chance and called the hotel.
The guest was awake and feeling very bad. When I told her I could be there in
45 minutes, she was amenable. I threw on my clothes. The drive was easy. I gave
her the necessary medicines. Everyone was satisfied.
Labels:
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Doctor,
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Monday, February 15, 2016
The Pinnacle of Success
Walking toward the entrance of the Viceroy, a luxury Santa Monica hotel, I noticed half a dozen
parking valets gathered around their supervisor who was giving instructions. As
I passed, he paused and pointed: “Look at him. That’s our hotel doctor. You let
him park wherever he wants.”
This happened in July of 2003, but I still remember the pleasure it gave
me. When the parking valets grant you a free pass, there are no more worlds to
conquer.
Labels:
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concierge practice,
Doctor,
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housecall,
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Thursday, February 11, 2016
My Best Customer
I’m the doctor
for scores of Los Angeles
hotels, but even the largest (the Bonaventure) rarely generates five visits per
month.
National housecall
agencies and international travel insurers provide more business. My leading
client is Inn House Doctor, a national agency run by an entrepreneur based near
Boston. You can
google it.
He solicits
hotels, including mine, but they are not an important source of business. Since
Inn House collects a cut of the fee, guests who call hear a large quote.
Many travel
insurers use Inn House Doctor for their clients in America. It would make more sense
for them to call me directly, but I earn my usual fee, so I don’t care. I
prefer Inn House when guests live far away, because insurers often refuse to
pay a larger fee. Inn House understands.
Its biggest
clients are foreign airlines who need doctors for sick crew. In the past some
airlines called me, but I’m happy to work for Inn House because it handles many
more.
I don’t
solicit distant hotels, but airlines, always searching for the best deal, may
house crew fifty miles from the airport. I make half a dozen very long trips
every month, but airline crew make excellent patients – not demanding and
rarely very sick.
Sunday, February 7, 2016
Free Medical Care
When guests
ask my fee, I tell them and then steer the conversation to their problem. Half
the time, they don’t need a visit. If so, they’re grateful for the advice,
especially after learning that I don’t charge for phone calls. It’s good public
relations, but I also don’t like to make a housecall and collect money for a
trivial service.
If you google
“house call doctor” plenty of eager individuals and national housecall services
turn up but not me. None deliver free care, so the caller has the choice of a
paying visit or nothing. A doctor (sometimes me if you call a national service)
may come, hand over a prescription for a medicine you accidentally left at home,
and then collect several hundred dollars.
Labels:
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Doctor,
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Wednesday, February 3, 2016
My Fifteen Minutes of Fame
Every five
years or so, the Los Angeles Times discovers the housecall and publishes an enthusiastic
article that doesn’t mention me, the nation’s leading housecall
doctor.
Another appeared two days ago. As always, I wrote the reporter to point
out his error. To my surprise, he phoned yesterday, interviewed me for half an
hour, and wrote another article in today’s Times. You can find it at:
http://www.latimes.com/business/hiltzik/la-fi-mh-is-the-house-call-really-dead-20160202-column.html
Tuesday, February 2, 2016
A Dog-Eat-Dog Business, Part 12
On September 3 I wrote about a new housecall
service that charged up to $2000. On September 7 I described one that charged
$99. Clearly these are extreme.
So what about $250? That’s painful but, in a pinch,
suffering a stomach virus or bad case of flu, many of you might
pay.
What are the alternatives? Several concierge
doctors pop up on a Google search, but they may charge triple this. Veteran Los Angeles hotel doctors
visit private houses if asked; they charge around double. Call Heal, the $99
service, if it’s still in business. One side-effect of a low fee is that it
pays doctors less than the going rate, so many are residents in training. This
does not mean they don’t know their business; in fact, being residents, they
take every illness very, very seriously. Of course, you could always ask for
Doctor Oppenheim.
The founder of the $250 service, SOS Doctor
Housecall, contacted me first because I already work for her. She is the French
lady who sends doctors to Frenchmen in Los
Angeles. I mention her in posts from February 28, 2011,
September 2, 2014, and January 4, 2015.
She is putting
together her app and hopes to launch soon. If she’s successful, my colleagues
will feel the strain, but I’ll be making visits for her.
Labels:
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Friday, January 29, 2016
Be Careful What You Ask For
He had been coughing for several days, a guest explained, adding that he probably needed a Z-pak. When a patient suggests he needs an antibiotic, a doctor feels one of two emotions.
(1) Pleasure because this guarantees an easy visit. Give the antibiotic, and the patient will make it clear that the doctor has done what a good doctor does. I doubt most of you realize the importance of your gratitude. No matter how you try to conceal it, if you’re disappointed, we feel depressed.
(2) Depression. In an otherwise healthy person, the only common illness with a cough that antibiotics cure is bacterial pneumonia which is not common. All others are viral infections. These affect fifteen percent of everyone who consults a doctor, so they are no trivial matter.
Over the phone, I quizzed him about his symptoms and then explained that he was suffering a self-limited illness requiring only over-the-counter remedies. When he insisted that he needed a doctor, I directed him to a nearby urgent care clinic where he would get his antibiotic.
Labels:
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Monday, January 25, 2016
How Doctor Oppenheim Met His Wife
In 1975 I and
a friend were fresh out of internship. He had a job at a Los Angeles clinic that remained open during
the weekend. Few patients came, so I often visited, and we sat talking. The
only other employee, a nurse – really a young woman who wore a white coat and
acted as receptionist -- joined us. After a few visits I got up the nerve
to ask her on a date.
She was
committed, she explained. But she worked at the Woman’s Building, a flourishing
feminist arts center. She offered to give me some phone numbers.
I declined. I
was too shy to call women I didn’t know.
“Then what’s
the solution?” she asked.
“Maybe they
could call me.” I meant this as a joke and forgot about it until a week later
when a woman phoned. I did my duty by asking her to dinner, and it proved an excellent decision.
There is more
to it. It turns out that she and the nurse were candidates for a college art
teaching position in Oakland.
Both flew up for an interview. My future wife later learned that the nurse had already sewn up the job, so
there was no point in the interview. During the plane ride, she had given me an
enthusiastic recommendation, perhaps as a consolation prize.
When we
discussed how our lives and the nurse’s had progressed over the years, we
agreed that my wife had gotten the better deal.
Wednesday, January 13, 2016
Good News. Or Maybe Not.
2 a.m. calls
rarely thrill me, but this was from the Beverly West, a boutique hotel that
never calls. Happily, I threw on my suit and drove off. Traffic was light.
Parking was easy.
Afterward I
introduced myself to the desk clerk.
“I remember
you from the Beverly Garland,” he said. “I’ve only been here two months.”
It’s
flattering that employees continue to call when they change hotels, but it also
meant that the Beverly West was probably not switching doctors.
“So you got my
number from the Beverly Garland?”
He shook his
head. “You’re on the computer. I picked you because the name was familiar.”
That was good
news. Sort of. I’m probably on every hotel’s computer.
As the
wee-hour desk clerk, he had little contact with veteran employees, but they
would soon clue him in. After caring for a guest, the Beverly West’s regular doctor
gives a “referral fee” to the employee that called. This is illegal but a hotel
doctor tradition as well as a superb marketing tool.
Saturday, January 9, 2016
Not Again!!!
“I have the
European plague. I need a doctor.”
“Excuse
me?...”
“I have the
European plague. I need a doctor for the American plague.”
“I’m not sure
what you mean. What’s the American plague?”
“My child is
in the bathroom with the European plague. Can you bring the doctor for the
American?”
What was he
talking about?.... The exchange continued for some time until the light dawned.
This was the fourth occasion this has happened in over thirty years and 30,000
phone calls. The guest had phoned the front desk because his electrical devices
used European outlets which are different from ours. He needed an “adaptor.”
The clerk, not listening carefully, had heard “a doctor” and forwarded his call
to me.
But I was also
not listening carefully. It’s human nature to hear what you expect to hear, so
I assumed that the caller had a medical problem.
I had heard
“European plague” when he had said “European plug.” He had not said “my child
is in the bathroom” but “my shaver is in the bathroom….”
Labels:
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