“My wife had
strep last week. Now I have the same thing.”
I receive one
“same thing” phone call per week. Naturally, guests hope I’ll agree.
This is not
the traditional warning against self-diagnosis, because the guests are usually
right. If necessary, I’m happy to phone a pharmacy with the appropriate
prescription.
Everyone with
an upset stomach suspects food poisoning. If your dinner companions are also
sick, it’s a possibility, but if you’re the only one, you probably suffer the
common stomach virus which makes you miserable for a day or two. Most guests
with vomiting or diarrhea don’t want to travel to a pharmacy. For those willing,
I sometimes provide symptomatic remedies. Sadly, in the US no common
intestinal infection is curable with antibiotics.
Other
illnesses are tricky, but a young woman who’s had several bladder infections
knows when she has another. This is perhaps the only infection where it’s
acceptable to prescribe an antibiotic over the phone.
Inevitably,
respiratory infections produce the most “same thing” calls. These are stressful
calls because many guests proceed to tell me what they need, and they’re wrong.
As I repeat
with boring regularity, many doctors, perhaps a majority, prescribe useless
antibiotics for viral respiratory infections. That includes yours. That doesn’t
mean you have a bad doctor; prescribing useless antibiotics is so common that
competent doctors do it.
When, after
hearing the symptoms, I explain that this doesn’t describe anything that
antibiotics cure, guests assume there will be no antibiotic unless I make a
housecall and collect a fat fee. In fact, I do everything possible to avoid a
housecall because not giving an antibiotic guarantees an unhappy patient. If I
yield to his entreaties, I hate myself.
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