Losing Two Out of Three

A guest at the Hollywood Heights with an upset stomach requested my services. I had barely hung up when an Englishman at the Shangri-La wanted a doctor for a respiratory infection. These hotels were not convenient – the Hollywood Heights is ten miles east, the Shangri-La in Santa Monica five miles west. But two visits make for a good day, so I drove off in a pleasant mood.

As I approached Hollywood, the phone rang. My heart sank when I learned the caller was the Sheraton in Pasadena, twenty miles away – thirty from Santa Monica.  
  

Having visits pile up, especially those with long drives, oppresses me, so this was one I’d prefer to skip.

This guest’s husband, who was driving to the hotel from the airport, was suffering a cough and sore throat and wanted a doctor when he arrived. Launching my no-visit effort, I explained that viral infections cause these symptoms in almost all cases, so a doctor can do little except relieve symptoms. I suggested that she discuss this with her husband when he arrived. She agreed. With that weight off my shoulders, I continued on to the Hollywood Heights.

After finishing, I reversed my course and headed for Santa Monica. As I neared the hotel my phone rang. “A friend of mine found a bottle of amoxicillin,” said the Shangri-La guest. “I think I’ll give it a try and save you the trip.”

Having lost that visit, I immediately called the Pasadena Sheraton. The husband had arrived, and they had decided to wait.

Discovering a Normal Part of your Body

A young woman at the Georgian Hotel felt a cold coming on, so she inspected her throat and discovered a dozen bumps on the far end of her tongue. I reassured her, but she wanted a doctor to see them.

I love housecalls where I know the diagnosis as soon as I hang up the phone. This qualified because the guest had discovered a normal part of her body. When you examine your tongue in the mirror, it seems smooth. People rarely stick it out far enough to reveal a clump of wart-like taste buds deep inside.

I also love telling a fearful patient that he or she has nothing to worry about, so this was a satisfying encounter for both of us.

It may save you some anxiety to memorize the following normal parts of your body.

- Put a finger inside your mouth and feel the gums behind your lower teeth. Moving just to the left and right reveals two hard lumps which may not be the same size. These are part of your mandible, the jawbone.

- With thumb and forefinger, pinch your neck just below the jaw to feel two lumps that mark either end of the hyoid bone that circles the front of your windpipe. You can wiggle them from side to side.

- Run your finger down the middle of your breastbone to an inch beyond the lower end, then push. You’ll feel a hard mass. That’s another bone, the xyphoid process. One guest was certain had a stomach tumor.

- Feel your major lymph node areas (neck, armpit, groin), and remember what you find. Part of the immune system, lymph nodes swell in response to an infection then shrink after it passes - except sometimes a node or two won’t shrink but remains forever as a pea-sized, moveable granule beneath the skin.