Several times per year, a hotel guest suffers a bloody
nose. I don’t make housecalls for nosebleeds because there’s nothing I can do.
Treatment is to pinch the nose, releasing pressure every five minutes to check
if bleeding has stopped. I tell guests to repeat until they get bored. If
bleeding persists, the next step is cautery or nasal packing, both of which
require expertise.
I regularly hear “I can move it, so I know it’s not
broken…” but this is as true as most popular medical theories. Examining a wrist, finger, ankle, foot, or
ribs I can suspect a fracture, but I’m never certain. Most common fractures
aren’t urgent, so I tell guests it’s OK to wait to see if there’s quick
improvement. If not, they need an X-ray.
All insect bites look the same, bee stings included.
Redness and itching spread, peaking at two days before slowly fading. I explain
this over the phone, but guests often want me to take a look.
When a guest suggests he has bronchitis, I immediately
go into no-housecall mode because this is a fake diagnosis doctors use when
they prescribe an antibiotic as a placebo (other fake diagnoses are “sinus
infection” and “bacterial infection” and sometimes “strep”). You may be
surprised to read that bronchitis is not a disease but a medical term for
coughing.
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