“A shot to put her out.”
More than once I’m called when a guest
suffers a tragic loss such as the death of a child or spouse. Distressed to
witness the misery, family members want me to put her to sleep. This works in
the movies, but in real life tranquilizers can’t do more than make someone
drowsy. Only a general anesthesia produces sleep. No one except celebrity doctors
uses it on a housecall, and you’ve read the headlines describing what happened when Michael Jackson's doctor tried it.
“A note to change my flight.”
Now and then guests call after recovering
from an illness and realizing that it’s expensive to replace a cancelled
ticket. They offer to pay my fee if I’ll come and write a note, but I
don’t like claiming that a patient is sick if he isn’t. My tactic is to fax a note
that tells the truth: “Mr. Jones states
that he was ill and unable to travel.” No one has complained, so it might
work.
“A placebo!”
No guest asks for a placebo. What they say is
“You absolutely have to give something to make me better!”
In most areas of life, it’s important to tell
people what you want, but it’s risky in a medical situation. Doctors want to do
the right thing, but they also want you to be happy with the encounter. Don’t
tempt them.
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