Another Incident in a Hotel Doctor's Glamorous Life

Younger, cooler, more expensive doctors own the franchise on Los Angeles film shoots, but I go now and then.

A European director staying at the Langham in Pasadena asked for my services and then went off to work.

After driving miles through suburbs I encountered the usual cluster of trailers, street barriers, and police. It was a hot summer day in Los Angeles, but Pasadena is always ten degrees hotter.

Workers hurried about, but I was the only one wearing a suit, so I stood only a few minutes baking in the sun before an assistant approached. Like every aide I’ve met on film sets, she was young and beautiful. I hate to imagine the hiring procedures of production companies. 

She led me into a trailer, thankfully air-conditioned, where I waited fifteen minutes until the director made time. He showed me a rash and worried about bed bugs.

Many foreigners believe Americans fall below civilized standards of cleanliness. We think of personal hygiene in terms of body odor, but they notice that we allow dogs free run of our houses, and we don’t take off our shoes when we come inside. That the Langham is very expensive does not rule out bedbugs, but I diagnosed hives, an allergic reaction.

I’m not sure my reassurance convinced him, but he was a workaholic like so many of my patients. He hurried back to the set with the box of pills I handed out, and I considered it likely that he put it out of his mind.

Neither Rain Nor Snow

My phone rang as I was driving to the Langham in Pasadena. Coris USA, a travel insurer, had another housecall. Since I was on the freeway, I couldn’t write, so I asked for the address, planning to collect the remaining information from the patient. I hate to be late, so I told the dispatcher I might not arrive for several hours. 

The Langham guest had a sore throat, an uncomplicated visit. I reached the Coris destination, a private house in Hollywood, an hour after the call. The gate in the surrounding fence was locked. The buzzer felt loose in its housing, giving the impression that it was broken. This seemed the case because no one appeared.

What to do… Usually I phone the patient, but I didn’t have a number. I considered phoning Coris, but whoever answered would ask for the patient’s name which I also didn’t have. She might or might not succeed in tracking down the original dispatcher, but it was guaranteed I’d spend a long time on hold in a chilly drizzle.

The railing was my height, and there were footholds. Passerbys certainly wondered at an elderly man in a suit struggling over a fence, but I succeeded without tearing my clothes.

The woman who answered the door denied that anyone wanted me. It turned out this was not a private house but a youth hostel. The woman consulted other residents; one remembered someone who wanted a doctor, but she had left. 

The resident didn’t have her phone number but offered to leave a message on Facebook. I called Coris to warn them that matters were not looking well.

Then the door burst open, revealing the patient, gasping for breath after running several blocks. The visit itself was uncomplicated. 

The Luxurious Langham

Mid-level chains (Hilton, Hyatt, Holiday Inn, Sheraton) provide most of my business. I love luxury hotels, but these have traditionally formed the bread-and-butter of hotel doctoring, so my competitors love them more. The result is that when one of them notices an iconic Los Angeles hotel (Bel Air, Beverly Hills Hotel, Peninsula, Sofitel, Four Seasons) calling me too often, he steps in and points out the error of its ways.)

My colleagues don’t care to travel, so I’m the doctor for one of the most opulent hotel in the county: the Langham (formerly Ritz-Carlton) in Pasadena 25 miles away. It sits on twenty acres that includes a beautiful Italianate-style main building, luxurious Spanish Revival-style cottages, and a historic garden.

A Langham concierge once asked me to speak to a guest with an upset stomach. The guest sounded weary and hoarse after vomiting for several hours, but she was in good health, so odds favored the usual stomach virus, miserable but rarely life-threatening. Most vomiters want quick relief, but she preferred to wait it out. I gave the usual advice (don’t eat, don’t drink, suck on a piece of ice) and left my number. Fifteen minutes later the concierge connected me to another vomiting guest who also declined a visit.

This would have been a rare treat – two patients at the same hotel. Sadly, both were American. Since Pasadena lacks the international tourist caché of Los Angeles, the Langham houses mostly Americans who are less inclined to pay for a housecall.   

When I phoned later that day, both had recovered. They were grateful for my concern, but they would have been more grateful if I’d cared for them. Although you might not think so, I consider vomiting a good visit. It usually doesn’t last long, and the doctor gets the credit when it stops.