Nearing the End of the Road

I have never denied being America’s most successful hotel doctor. No one has made as many visits – over 18,000 -- or works at it exclusively. All others do it as a sideline.

Yet time is passing. I’m not the only Los Angeles hotel doctor collecting social security. A new generation is muscling in, displaying the energy of youth, fierce marketing skills, and a priceless absence of ethics. All are concierge doctors, building cash-only practices that serve patients willing to pay to have a physician at their beck and call.

Even in Los Angeles, such patients are a limited resource, so concierge doctors have cast an eye on hotels, a major source of cash-payers.

“I guess no one’s been sick,” is the lie I hear when an employee explains why her hotel isn’t calling. I’ve been hearing it lately.

Partly it’s because my field is consolidating. National housecall services are expanding, and almost all use me. This is no news to my competitors, but marketing to these services presents difficulties for a concierge doctor.

One obstacle is their spectacular fees: double, triple, or quadruple mine. This may strike you as terrible business practice, but it’s no problem with hotels. Hotels don’t care what a doctor charges unless guests complain. They rarely do.

In addition, when concierge doctors introduce themselves to a hotel employee, extol their virtues, and offer an amenity for every referral, they have a receptive audience. It’s illegal for a doctor to pay for a referral, but no one is complaining. 

On the bright side, concierge doctors are young and busy. Immediate 24-hour service is their mantra, but providing it is impossible for anyone with a practice and social life. My leisure activities are reading and writing.

The result is that concierge doctors ask my help regularly. They send me to their patients who are increasingly guests at my hotels and those of competitors. When I retire, it won’t be because business is declining.