“Under your
tongue… under your tongue… close your mouth… don’t bite!”
Seeing a
thermometer, the guest had unbuttoned his shirt and lifted his arm. Over much
of the world, doctors take a temperature in the armpit. It’s often a struggle
to make them understand.
Once the
thermometer is in place, I announce that I will wash my hands. This produces
minor panic, and someone rushes to the bathroom to tidy up. After returning and
announcing the temperature, I sometimes take the blood pressure. It’s not
useful for most ailments, but patients, especially the elderly, often expect
it.
After the
examination, I announce the diagnosis and hand over an appropriate medicine.
Then I give advice. You probably think it differs from patient to patient, but
this is only partly true. I give several bits of advice regularly. These
include:
“Rest doesn’t
make this go away any quicker.”
Despite the
universal belief, this is true for almost every illness, and it’s miserable to
be confined to a hotel room during a vacation. I encourage sick guests to get
out.
“You’ll feel
bad for a few days, and then you’ll feel better.”
Once a doctor
performs his magic, patients often expect immediate results. I receive plenty
of calls the next day from guests wondering why they’re still sick.
“If you call,
I answer in person.”
I demonstrate
by holding up my cell phone. Of course, your doctor also encourages you to
call, but have you tried? You reach voicemail or, if you’re lucky, a
receptionist, and then you leave a message and wait. I want to spare patients
this hassle. But I also don’t want them to call the hotel to let them know
they’re not feeling better.
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