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Tuesday, April 29, 2014

No Housecalls Today

A guest dropped an ice bucket on her toe. Pain was excruciating, and blood poured out. Holding the toe under the tap didn’t help.

Over the phone, I explained that running water won’t stop bleeding. She should apply pressure over the wound and add ice to dull the pain. When I called an hour later, she was having dinner in the hotel restaurant.

A man had developed a slight cough, in his opinion a prelude to full-blown bronchitis. He wanted something to knock it out. I explained that, in a healthy person, viruses cause almost all coughs. I could come, but I couldn’t promise an antibiotic. The man said he would get a second opinion.

A teenager bumped his head on a bedpost and developed a lump the size of an egg. The parents asked that I check him for brain injury. That requires a CT scan, I explained. He would certainly get one if he went to an emergency room, but the injury didn’t seem serious enough for that. It was OK to wait. He did fine.

A guest had missed his flight because of an upset stomach. He was well now but needed a doctor’s note to avoid an expensive ticket-exchange fee. These requests arrive now and then, and they put me in a difficult position. I can’t write “The guest was unable to travel because of an upset stomach” because I don’t know if that’s true (sometimes the patient admits that it isn’t). So I offer to write the truth: “The guest states that he suffered an upset stomach and could not travel.” I sweeten the pot by offering to fax it to the hotel at no charge.

Guests usually accept. To date, no one has complained, so the note may work.

Thursday, April 17, 2014

Paramedics


My personal encounter with paramedics occurred the day I fell (ironically during my morning exercise walk) and broke my hip. I might have lain there for some time because pedestrians in my middle-class neighborhood ignore the occasional bearded old man lounging on the sidewalk. Luckily, I had taken a detour through an alley behind a restaurant where two Hispanic workers noticed, came to my aid, and called 911.

I was not in great pain as long as the leg remained immobile. Any movement hurt terribly. When the paramedics approached with their gurney, I was frightened, but they scooped me up, drove to a hospital, and shifted me to another gurney with hardly a twinge. Never mind their medical skills; that showed talent.

While I admire paramedics, they have little use for me in my capacity as a hotel doctor. Paramedics almost never encounter a physician on their calls, and they don’t like finding one. Most likely, they worry he might pull rank. As a result, when paramedics arrive at my hotels, I sit quietly, never speaking unless spoken to. In turn, the paramedics go about their business, pretending I’m not there.